rest

So, I came to do a new post on here, and discovered this un-published post.  I'm pretty sure it's back from...maybe September?   I'm not really sure.  Just thought I'd post it since it's been waiting.  :)  I still love this song!

i am so in need of You,
though my righteousness is rags,
Your mercies are new

so Lord, come down to me,
so my heart can see,
how encompassing Your grace can be

Holy Spirit, rest upon us,
Breath of God, touch my soul,
come unfailing love of Jesus,
rest upon us, rest upon us,

my mind is heavy and my days are long,
i lift my eyes up in the night,
my heart it weighs me down,
but Your burden is light,

so Lord, come walk with me
until my heart believes
all the bounties that Your grace can bring

Holy Spirit, rest upon us,
Breath of God, touch my soul,
come unfailing love of Jesus,
rest upon us, rest upon us,

i will wait for You
i will wait for You
You rest upon us
come rest upon us
Rest Upon Us by Caedmon's Call

i need rest.  good, silent, still rest in God.

i have felt so overwhelmed for the past 3 or 4 weeks.  i'm not good at asking for help - at admitting that i need someone to help me to make my load lighter.  i'm a do-it-yourselfer, and if i'm stressed and overwhelmed, i usually either fight through it or eventually break.

today is my breaking day.

after a long day of planning with the team of 1st grade teachers at work (whom i love dearly - we have an amazing team this year), i came home with 4 bags of pasta that need dying, a delicous-sounding quiche that needed to be made for supper, and a brain that was completely shot.  then i remembered my grass.  it's not cut, and i have people coming for a housewarming on saturday.  no problem.  i'll just cut it, right?  well, i don't have a mower yet, so that's not possible.  then, i burnt 7 out of the 14 pieces of bacon that i cooked (recipe called for 12 pieces, i used 7. oh well).  and my house is not ready for people on saturday.  i've contacted a friend from church that lives up the street about borrowing their mower, the quiche is in the oven, and my house will be what it is on saturday.  beautifully decorated or not, i'll still be able to show my friends.

i was listening to pandora this evening as i cooked, and now as i'm sitting on the couch sulking in my overwhelmed-ness.  the Rest Upon Us song came on, and i remembered (again...finally) a conversation i had with a friend after work today.

i've been struggling with my emotions at work when dealing with my team members because i feel like i try so hard to hold it together for my class, and when i get with the other great ladies that i teach with, i just get frustrated easily and either cry or i don't have the best attitude.  one of the teachers at work, who calls me sunshine, stopped me in the hall last week and asked if i was okay because i haven't been my usual smiley self.  i told him that yes, i'm okay, i'm just overwhelmed with everything going on right now on top of having so many new things to implement in my classroom this year.  since then, everytime he sees me in the hallway, he asks how i'm doing, and i know that he is being genuinely sincere.  i try to be genuine back, but that's hard when i don't want to always be the "life is terrible" person.

...so, back to my conversation with my friend after work.  i went to her room so she could show me how to dye pasta (not as complicated as i made it out to be), and we were just talking about life and work.  she was honest with me and said i have to make a decision - either i stay up late trying to catch myself up with work stuff, or i go to bed early so i can get the sleep my body and mind needs right now.  so, that was light bulb one.  i cannot expect myself to destress without sleep.  go to bed early?  check.  i'll do it.

then, i had an epiphany.  i thought about my rest and where it should come from - where my true rest should be found.  and i realized that my time with God, my rest found only in Him, has almost been nonexistent for the past 4 or 5 weeks.  i have been so consumed with everything going on around me in my life, that i have lost focus of His hand in my life - of His presence in my life.

this song by caedmon's call hit home immediately.  yes, i am still overwhelmed.  do a lot of these overwhelmed feelings come from self-inflicted stresses?  definitely.  will they go away tonight?  no way.  well, not unless the grass cutting, house decorating, and pasta dying fairies visit my little house tonight.  so, instead of trying to make myself catch up on everything tonight, as was my plan this afternoon after our day full of meetings, i have the one goal of finding rest in God tonight.  i want to be with Him tonight.

it's a date night with God.  He doesn't care that i burned 7 out of the 14 pieces of bacon.  hopefully He's proud that i finally got it by the 8th piece of bacon that i put in the pan (i'm a slow learner apparently).  so, pasta will be dyed tomorrow night, math plans will be looked at tomorrow morning, and i will be still tonight.

that is, after i eat my quiche and cut the grass (my friend called back, and i can borrow her mower! yay).

life is good, even if it is stressful.  however, God is great all the time, and i am so thankful for that.