overwhelmed

Confession time.

I didn't pick out a verse for this past week. I will be doing two this week because of this.

I do believe I have hit the overwhelmed phase of my grad school, and I'm afraid it won't get any better.

I feel as if my life has been nothing but school work lately. When I'm not doing school work, I am either walking Iz, a feeding bitty kitty goat's milk (I should probably post about that, eh? lol), mindlessly watching TV and being a bum, tutoring little kiddos at the YMCA and my school, working out with a friend, or doing things for church (especially now since VBS is only a couple weeks away).

And then there are those other life things that happen - like actually seeing my family here and there, babysitting when needed, cleaning my house that seems to be overwhelmingly dirty these days, and sleep would be nice as well.

Yeah. I'm pretty worn out. I went to bed around 10:30 or 11:00 last night, which isn't exactly early, but not really late either since I've been staying up late doing school work this week.

This morning... I woke up at 9:15. I'm supposed to be at church at 9:30 for Sunday school, so I was late. Obviously. I reckon I needed some extra sleep.

Classes also keep me from family gatherings, which is extremely hard.

I missed my mom and niece's family birthday gathering because of class. I also missed our family's Father's Day gathering. And then I'll miss my dad and nephew's birthday weekend as well because of class. I haven't looked beyond that yet though. :)

I don't feel like I have to be present for these events to be complete for my family. Rather, I desire to be present because I need that time with my family.

Living by myself, I've really come to value family time so much more. Yes, I've always enjoyed it. However, now, I sincerely need that time because it's just me. I sometimes go several days running around doing things without having a chance to talk with my family. Not out of a lack of desire, but simply a lack of time and energy. So when I miss those precious times with my family, it really hits me hard.

Okay, so this is not me trying to have a pity party or gain sympathy at all. It's just me venting. :)

Crazy to think that I'm so overwhelmed with all of this when I don't even have a husband or children, eh? Yeah. God knew what He was doing when He orchestrated me getting my master's now and not later in life. I don't know how the moms of young children are handling the program, but they're rock stars for sure!

And in the midst of this craziness, I've noticed my time with God suffering more and more. This definitely doesn't help with my outlook on things either.

So, I'm asking for a bit of help from my friends! Our Bible study group finished up our study on Esther awhile ago, which was amazingly great with keeping me focused and on track with my time with God. Not that I can't just read God's word without a guide, but it's good to have some direction in my studies.

With that said, does anyone have any suggestions for great devotional books that I can work through? A precious mom of one of my students gave me a daily devotional that has a passage with a small excerpt about it for each day, which has been great! I'd like to add something with a little more depth to it.

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EDIT after maybe 10 minutes of hitting post: So, I realized this post was pretty much all negative about my grad school experience so far. I want to make sure I intentionally say that the things that I have learned and the changes I am hoping to make in my classroom next year are totally worth these rough patches! I have met some amazing people, and I am completely excited about how God will use this program to reshape me as a teacher. So I'm whining tonight, but it's all totally worth it. And I realize that. :) But I'm allowed a post to vent, right? Sure!




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a heart of flesh -- 52 in 52

I just realized this evening that I haven't shared with you my 52 in 52 verse for this week! It's been a pretty good week, but busy. I've made it a goal to get to bed by 9:00, which has worked for the past 3 work nights. Last night was a bit different (as is tonight), but I'll share about that in another post. :) Here's this week's verse!!

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put My Spirit in you and move you to follow My decrees and be careful to keep My laws.

Ezekiel 36:26-27

A heart of stone can be present in a number of forms, however there is one basic underlying theme that is present.

Knowing that God is calling you to do something, but doing nothing about it.

Whether that is not taking a blind step of faith into a new career, continuing to sin in spite of your convictions, or not spending time with God through prayer and reading His word (or even spending time in His word and prayer, but not truly seeking Him through them).

The promising joy that God has given us is that He will turn our hearts of stone into hearts of flesh. The Spirit that God places in us is none other than His Own, which serves as our Counselor and Guide.

I must say, knowing that God loves me enough to continue chiseling away at my life, even when I've found myself cold as stone, is very humbling.

Stone is heavy and uncomfortable. I'd rather give it all to God so that He can change my heart of stone to a heart of flesh, which is a much lighter (and more enjoyable) load.

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52 in 52

"Everything is permissible," but not everything is beneficial; "Everything is permissible," but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.

1 Corinthians 10:23-24

I'm about to fall asleep sitting here, so I'm off to bed. I wanted to at least share this week's 52 in 52 verse!

Happy Wednesday!



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sleepy, sneezy, and grumpy

I had a headache all weekend. Literally - all weekend. It hasn't bothered me much at all today, which I am highly thankful for - however, now I'm sneezing like crazy, I didn't sleep well last night (I've acquired a habit of waking up at 3:30AM each morning - really, Ellen?!), and I felt semi-grumpy today at work today.

I was planning on a 2.5mile run today. I didn't do it in hopes of finding some relief through my rest. Tomorrow is Zumba (in my pink tutu, of course), and then hopefully I'll pick my 2.5mile run back up either Wednesday or Thursday.

Happy March tomorrow, everyone! Only 61 days of school left. :]



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