the Lord is my portion -- 52 in 52

I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him."

Lamentation 3:19-24

Honestly? I haven't started working on this passage memorization yet for this week.

It's been a bit of a crazy week with something going on each evening, and this evening I find myself still sitting in my classroom, which is now silent outside of the occasional person wandering the halls and the praise music I have streaming on Pandora. The stillness is rather relaxing.

Later, I will make my way to an ice cream place down the road to scoop ice cream for Panther Spirit Night. Maybe I'll see a few faces from my classroom.

The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.

Wow.

As I memorize this verse, I have to really search myself and ask whether or not this is true reality in my heart.

Yes. I love God. I love Him with everything in me.

Does my heart long for things that I do not have yet though? Absolutely.

Talking with a friend a couple months ago, I realized the root of the feelings that I have in my heart and mind. They are not feelings of not being content. I'm content. I love living by myself, going home to a quiet house (aside from the barking of my little ankle biter of a dog), and the peace I find after a crazy (but fun) day at the school. I love it.

It's actually better than I thought it'd be. I was honestly a little concerned about getting lonely and such. That's only happened a couple times since I bought the house about 7 months ago.

Even though I'm content, I'm happy, and I wouldn't change the fact that I bought a house last year, my heart is still longing.

I don't feel fulfilled.

I don't feel whole.

Someone is missing when I wake up in the mornings. Someone is missing when I cook supper at night (which is obvious since I usually have enough for another two meals after I eat my supper). Someone is missing when I have exciting news to share late at night, yet no one to share it with.

No, it's not about being content at all. I absolutely love my life. However, I am not fully whole yet. My heart longs for my husband. It hurts not knowing who he is or where he is. And sometimes I wonder if he is at all. Or if he is not. And that it's just me.

As I typed out the verse for this week's 52 in 52, I had to ask myself whether or not I truly meant what I was typing. I didn't start this journey at the beginning of the year just hoping to store away some random passages. No, I wanted to learn, grow, change, transform, and mold into someone new. My desire is that through these 52 weeks, the 52 passages I select would have an impact on my heart and my life. And in turn, I will be a new creation in Him.

So, can I truly claim the Lord as my portion?

I pray that I can. I pray that my longings do not draw me away from God and from my desire to live solely in Him. I desire to love Him with an undying passion that grows every second of my life here on this earth.

Yes, I am content. I have my God. He is my Father, my Lord, my Savior. He is my Companion.

And until He introduces me to the man He has hand chosen for me to love, marry, live life with, and die holding onto, I will continue to seek God with every ounce of my being, and I will pray for him, his safety, his walk with God, his family, and his life. And even after I meet my man, my prayer is that through my relationship with him, I will never cease to seek God's face.

Yes. I will say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him."

2637

Spring Break

My spring break started out pretty open and relaxing. It quickly filled up with something to do everyday. Not that I minded though - the things that filled up my time were actually people.

7 little people whom I love an awful lot.
(Top row are my brother's boys: Malachi, Eli, and Levi.
Bottom row are my sister's four: Timothy, Taralyn, Tess, and Toby)

I've often said that I love these little people so much that I'm not sure how I'll love my own children any more one day. I know I will, but my heart just bursts with love for these little ones.

Monday was pretty uneventful. I actually can't remember what I did. lol Must not have been very much, eh? Tuesday, I went strawberry picking with my sister's family. None of us had ever been before. It was so much fun!

This little girl ate strawberries the whole time.
She was cracking me up.

Tess had a blast picking the strawberries!

And this dude was a strawberry picking machine!
He could have picked 5 more baskets. Seriously.

This was taken at the park because our strawberry patch pictures
of Toby weren't that great.
I love goofy baby faces!! And I love this little cuddle bug. :)

And of course, we couldn't leave without a family picture!

On Wednesday, I kept my brother's three boys in the morning. We bummed around their house for about an hour, and then met my sister and her family at the park for some fun.

This little man wasn't in the sunniest of moods when we got there.

He brightened up later on though!

Malachi loved digging through the dirt to find bugs!
(He wasn't too excited about smiling for all of my pictures though, so he chose to hide.)

I did get one unhidden smile out of him!
(My settings were just a tad off though. I'm still learning!)

I'm amazed at how old this young man has become in no time!
It seems like yesterday that I kept him for the summer when he was just 3-4 months old.
Now he's 9!  Really?! Crazy.
(Again, I'm still learning and adjusting to staying on full manual. Sorry for the over exposure!)

Tonight, I kept my sister's kids so she and her husband could go out for a much-needed date night! They had Toby in tow, but since he's not yet at the stage of running around and talking all the time, he didn't cramp their style too much.

Tomorrow, the only thing on my schedule is a lunch date with my mom. Yes!! I've been trying to have one all week, but tomorrow is just the first time it's worked out. I love her so much, and time with her is so precious now that I'm not living at home anymore!

Saturday is our family Easter picnic and egg hunt. It should be loads of fun, and I'm sure I'll have loads of pictures to share from that as well. :) I'm keeping my brother's three boys Saturday evening so he and his wife can go out for a much-needed date! They don't have a one month old to take with them like my sister and her husband did though. It should be a fun evening with the boys, and hopefully they'll be exhausted form the egg hunt! :)

Aaaand on Sunday, I'm taking an in-person photography workshop with one of my "blog heroes." MckMama (aka Jennifer -- click this to go to her blog, btw!) is a very real and honest blogger who just so happens to be an amazing photographer as well. I've taken two online photography workshops with her, and I have seriously learned so much meat on staying manual from her that it's crazy. I'm SUPER excited to have the chance to meet her and hang out with our cameras for about 3 hours on Sunday! She is on a road trip with her 5 kids (pray for her!!) to different cities in the East, and Charlotte just so happens to be one of those cities! I'm so giddy with excitement. I just can't wait!

That, my friends, is my Spring Break so far. It may not have been as free and open-scheduled as I had originally planned, but it has most definitely been filled to the brim with lots of great little people, and it isn't even over yet! It will be soon enough though. And on Monday I'll get to go back to my 20 children whom I have honestly missed a lot since last Thursday. I think I'll enjoy my 7AM alarms until then though. I definitely haven't missed the 5:30AM alarms!



2225

taking thoughts captive (52 in 52) and my new kicks!

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God; and we take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ.

2 Corinthians 10:5

My high school/college Sunday school teacher used to talk about this verse a good bit. She was very real in telling us her struggles and weaknesses. Mrs. Rita died after battling breast cancer several years ago, but her legacy still lives on! She once challenged our class in high school to memorize the Fruits of the Spirit during one of our units - I can still say them all for you! (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control -- Thank you, Mrs. Rita!)

This verse has been very real to me lately. However, I never really knew (or paid attention to?) the first part of it, but I love it.

As human beings, our minds are great at justifying our actions and making excuses for ourselves. We argue with God and tell Him that of course we're right in what we're doing. We justify unhealthy friendships, thoughts that spur from low self esteem and limited confidence, damaging behaviors, and anything else in-between. But when we stop arguing and listen to God, we see the truth. We see His leading and His guidance. He starts to break our arguments apart and forces us to view the true problem at hand.

So, when I start thinking that I'm not good enough or pretty enough, I take those thoughts captive and remember Who made me. And why He made me. He didn't make me to marry someone or turn heads. He made me to worship Him and bring praise to His name. Period.

And I think of Mrs. Rita every time it comes to mind. Such a special lady, she was!

2 Corinthians 10:5 was my verse for this week's 52 in 52. I didn't have a chance to post about it earlier in the week because our family had a very exciting, very tiny addition this week! Jennifer, my sister, had her fourth child on Tuesday afternoon! Little Tobias William (Toby for short) is a perfect little man. :) This week was full of baby holding and older children watching for me, and sleepless (but very blessed!) nights for my sister. Please pray that little Mr. Toby learns to sleep in his bassinet very soon!

This week was also exciting because I received my new running shoes! They're Vibram Five Fingers, and I love them!! I ran in them for the first time today, and it went really well. I set my sights pretty low and planned on running only 1.5 miles in case the shoes weren't working out very well for me. However, after running those 1.5 miles, I decided to keep going. I ended up running 3.26 miles in about 34 minutes. This is still not the pace I'm wanting, but I will get there!

I tried on a pair of Five Fingers at a store before Christmas and was warned that they would kill my calves when I first started wearing them. Umm, yeah. Let's just say that I most definitely found that to be very accurate! Ouch! I'm doing lots and lots of stretches for my calves today. :)

And one more Mrs. Rita story to close the post. When we would go on youth trips, we would usually end up "staaaaarving" by the time lights out came around. Of course, we'd tell Mrs. Rita that we needed something to eat, and her response was always the same. "If you're hungry late at night, that means you just need to go on to bed!"

I still try to follow this simple rule to late night snacks, although not always successfully. Mrs. Rita surely was full of wisdom (of many kinds)!



1302

didn't do the 4.5mile run

I did a 5mile run!! Yay! :D

My day was a little crazy yesterday. I got up around 7:30-ish, but it was definitely too cold to run at that time. My poor body was screaming for me to get back in the bed after I walked Izzy, but I stayed up...sitting around the house in my running clothes (hmm, motivation maybe?).

Well, I gave myself until 10:00 - I was going to just sit around and relax until then. Around 10:00, my mom called me about a serger sale at a fabric store in town. So, what'd I do? I told her that I couldn't come check it out because, of course, I was planning my run for 10:00 and I must get it done.

Yeah, no. That's not what happened. I hopped in the car, went to the fabric store, and bought a new serger and a bias tape maker (yay!!! I hate making bias tape!!!). By the time I left and was heading home, it was about 12:00, and my precious nephew's 2 y/o birthday party was scheduled for 1:00. So, of course I wouldn't have time to run - it'd have to wait.

Nope! I decided that I could go to the party stinky and sweaty. So, I went for my run. As I was approaching the 4.5mile point, I realized that I was still a ways from my car, but Eli's party was quickly approaching. Soooo...I kept running and covered another 1/2 mile so that I could get to my car faster. Yay! I must say that this is the first time I've ever ran extra during a pre-determined distance run. It felt great!!

I also think I had a great run because I didn't listen to music (an absolute must for me). Instead, I listened to the Daily Audio Bible podcast. Can I just say that I love this podcast? It reads through the Bible with you over the year...but it's all audio. It was great to run as I listened to Leviticus (it was about clean and unclean food regulations in the OT), Mark (great reminders through the stories of the woman who was healed by touching Jesus' robe, and also Jairus' daughter's healing), Psalms and Proverbs (the scripture from Mark was so thought provoking for me that I didn't completely catch what Psalms and Proverbs said for the day).

Anyhoo - I noticed that I was running faster during this run, and I think it's because my cadence wasn't competing with the rhythms of the songs. So, that may be my new thing. I'll listen to the DAB podcast while I run.

P.S. more about the serger and bias tape maker will come later!! hehe



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