overwhelmed

Confession time.

I didn't pick out a verse for this past week. I will be doing two this week because of this.

I do believe I have hit the overwhelmed phase of my grad school, and I'm afraid it won't get any better.

I feel as if my life has been nothing but school work lately. When I'm not doing school work, I am either walking Iz, a feeding bitty kitty goat's milk (I should probably post about that, eh? lol), mindlessly watching TV and being a bum, tutoring little kiddos at the YMCA and my school, working out with a friend, or doing things for church (especially now since VBS is only a couple weeks away).

And then there are those other life things that happen - like actually seeing my family here and there, babysitting when needed, cleaning my house that seems to be overwhelmingly dirty these days, and sleep would be nice as well.

Yeah. I'm pretty worn out. I went to bed around 10:30 or 11:00 last night, which isn't exactly early, but not really late either since I've been staying up late doing school work this week.

This morning... I woke up at 9:15. I'm supposed to be at church at 9:30 for Sunday school, so I was late. Obviously. I reckon I needed some extra sleep.

Classes also keep me from family gatherings, which is extremely hard.

I missed my mom and niece's family birthday gathering because of class. I also missed our family's Father's Day gathering. And then I'll miss my dad and nephew's birthday weekend as well because of class. I haven't looked beyond that yet though. :)

I don't feel like I have to be present for these events to be complete for my family. Rather, I desire to be present because I need that time with my family.

Living by myself, I've really come to value family time so much more. Yes, I've always enjoyed it. However, now, I sincerely need that time because it's just me. I sometimes go several days running around doing things without having a chance to talk with my family. Not out of a lack of desire, but simply a lack of time and energy. So when I miss those precious times with my family, it really hits me hard.

Okay, so this is not me trying to have a pity party or gain sympathy at all. It's just me venting. :)

Crazy to think that I'm so overwhelmed with all of this when I don't even have a husband or children, eh? Yeah. God knew what He was doing when He orchestrated me getting my master's now and not later in life. I don't know how the moms of young children are handling the program, but they're rock stars for sure!

And in the midst of this craziness, I've noticed my time with God suffering more and more. This definitely doesn't help with my outlook on things either.

So, I'm asking for a bit of help from my friends! Our Bible study group finished up our study on Esther awhile ago, which was amazingly great with keeping me focused and on track with my time with God. Not that I can't just read God's word without a guide, but it's good to have some direction in my studies.

With that said, does anyone have any suggestions for great devotional books that I can work through? A precious mom of one of my students gave me a daily devotional that has a passage with a small excerpt about it for each day, which has been great! I'd like to add something with a little more depth to it.

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EDIT after maybe 10 minutes of hitting post: So, I realized this post was pretty much all negative about my grad school experience so far. I want to make sure I intentionally say that the things that I have learned and the changes I am hoping to make in my classroom next year are totally worth these rough patches! I have met some amazing people, and I am completely excited about how God will use this program to reshape me as a teacher. So I'm whining tonight, but it's all totally worth it. And I realize that. :) But I'm allowed a post to vent, right? Sure!




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loud love (52 in 52)

Love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record or wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Do you know someone that embodies that passage?

For me, that would be my grandma.

I've told you about her before, but there's nothing wrong with being reminded of someone great, right? :)

Of course, I'm not saying that she was perfect: She had her faults. But you could never fault her for her love towards my grandpa.

She loved him out loud. Way out loud! When he had to be put into a nursing home, she drove to sit with him every day.

Every day. Without fail.

If she wasn't feeling up to driving, she made one of her children drive her to the nursing home.

Loud love.

She spent her time there making sure Grandpa was taken care of properly. She kept him company. She entertained visitors that came by to see her and Grandpa.

The nursing home staff came to love her. They expected her to come in. And they knew she would scold them if they didn't do something the way they should. But they loved her.

We lost someone very special the day she died. But hopefully her legacy won't ever die.

I had a different passage picked out for this week's 52 in 52, but I've decided to go with this passage instead.

Because there's nothing wrong with being reminded of someone great, right?

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summer walks and undivided devotion

Izzy and I are enjoying our summer so far.

We went on a "long walk" last night and this afternoon. They're long walks because it's about 30 minutes as opposed to our walks of going out, Izzy doing her stuff, and then us coming back inside.

We're going to take a long walk everyday.

That's the plan anyway!

I've come to the conclusion that I am a stay at home mom during the summer. I just happen to have a baby with four legs that wears a harness while we walk instead of riding in a stroller.

That should help my, "I want a family"-itis...right?

Hope so! :)

So far, during the first week of summer, I have...

-Spent two mornings working out with a couple friends. Love them!! (the workouts...and the friends)
-Bought more [clearance] plants for my garden. Hope they make it!
-Spent an entire day...minus about 2 1/2 hours...devoted solely to grad school work. I got most of it done! Woo! About 2 1/2 more assignments to go for now.
-Challenged myself (and have already started) to eat healthier and be more mindful of what I put into my body.

And that's about it. Doesn't look like much, but it's been pretty busy so far!

Okay, so since I mentioned my "I want a family"-itis, I guess that's a good segue into my 52 in 52 for this week...

An unmarried woman is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is conceded about the affairs of this world-how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
1 Corinthians 7:34-35

I apparently have a thing for the books of Corinthians. This is my 4th verse from these two books, which is the most from any book so far.

This isn't the first I've come across this passage, or the first that I felt compelled to camp out and store its words in my heart.

Not sure when I wrote that, but it is most definitely still my heart's cry today.

This season of being single (well, more like life since it's all I've known lol) can either be a blessing or a hardship. I pray that I allow it to be a blessing for me.

A time of growth in Christ, devotion to God, and learning to live for Him. 

And then when He blesses me with more than what I'm experiencing now, it will be all the sweeter.

Right now, though...

Undivided devotion.

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my life (aka craziness) ...according to Instagram.

Things around here have been crazy! Hence why my 52 in 52 updates have been running late for the past couple of weeks.

I started grad school in May! I am getting my Master's in Education in Divergent Learning.

It's only a year long program, but it is very intense.

It's not all serious business though.

Last night, we made cookie people, choosing the different toppings according to our personality styles.

I apparently have a yummy personality because all of my personality style toppings were among my favorite treats! Yay!

(my cookie didn't last long...obviously)

On a serious note, I am learning SO much in my classes. I'm glad I started in the summer and not this fall because I'm able to transition into the work load. However, it's a bit frustrating at times because I want to implement these strategies right now.

Patience, dear teacher. Patience.

My homeowner-ness is continuing to stretch my handy woman skills!

I put in a new doorbell several weeks ago.

The original one that "came with the house" had part of the plastic button part missing, so people feared for their lives when they came to my house, choosing to just knock instead of risk electrocution by ringing the doorbell. No need to worry any longer, my dear friends!

Right after I finished changing out the doorbell, the UPS man came by to deliver a package (containing a grad school book - woohoo...). I was so excited and proud that I very enthusiastically exclaimed to him, "I just changed my doorbell!!!"

Yeah. I get excited about small things. But it's just me. I don't have someone to run to for an impromptu celebration...because you know. Adding another notch in my tool belt as handy woman calls for impromptu celebrations! So this would be why my life is often on Facebook.

Just in case you were wondering!

But anyhow -- back to Mr. UPS. Upon hearing my jubilation in a new doorbell that I changed all by myself, he turned around, gave me two (not just one!) thumbs up and said, "Alright!!"

Yep. I'm a dork! At least I'm a smiley dork though, right? :)

So, along with my grad classes and my brand spanking new doorbell, I'm also experiencing empty nest syndrome...

Sad times.

I had become so accustomed to checking on my little feathered friends every day that I was super sad to see them gone.

Ever need a reminder of God's love for you? Yeah, me too.

The church down the road from my parents has this great reminder for all the world to see! It's on their ball field fence.

It makes me smile every time I drive by. And makes me wish I had an obnoxious chain link fence in my front yard to broadcast love to all as well.

Okay, maybe not to that extent. But it does make me happy. I love it!

And look what I have on the windowsill above my sink! 

Baby marigold plants! I've been plucking the seeds out of my [dead] marigold flowers in my flower boxes (another post about that soon-ish!).

I'm excited to see that the seeds I "harvested" are growing! Woo!

I also planted LOTS more, but they're on the deck rail in the back yard. I'm experimenting a lot with seeding flowers. We'll see what happens!

I also have some squash, sunflowers, morning glories, celosias, and forget me nots planted to grow some before putting them in my flowerbed.

Speaking of...

I now have a GORGEOUS flowerbed in my backyard! (Thanks, Mom and Dad!!!!!)

It has some of my grandpa's lilies (my brother had them in his yard, then shared them with me) along with some plants I bought at Walmart for 50% off.

Hope they don't die!

I have a knock out rose bush, two tomato plants, and two other perennials that I'm not sure of their names. 

So this has been my life lately. We finished up the school year this past week, so now I'm focusing on church, grad school, and my home.

Sleep is always nice too.

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be kind

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with Whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Ephesians 4:29-32

Can we just say that God is teaching me about being an example? Having a tender heart, speaking truth and uplifting words to people, forgiving, and so much more. This goes for people I don't know, to people I work with, to even my own family members.

Sometimes, we are harsher on those that are closest to us than we are to anyone else. 

My prayer is that everyday that I live, my life will become more and more of a reflection of His love, grace, and forgiveness, to everyone that I come in contact with.

I totally wouldn't be able to even strive for His reflection unless I have received His love, grace, and forgiveness every single day of my life. Why I keep that only to myself?

I want to share it, show it, emulate it.

above all else -- 52 in 52

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gave directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.

Proverbs 4:23-27

God has been showing me a lot lately that my life is a live example of His love to the people around me. For some of the people I come in contact with, I may be the only example of Christ they experience. Yes, I've known this - it's something we're taught in Sunday school growing up. However, it's becoming so much more real to me every single day.

The things I say, the things I do, and the places I go are all a testimony of my life. Sometimes these things point others to Christ, sometimes they don't. My prayer is that my life points to Christ and bring Him glory more than it doesn't.

My heart has conflicting emotions many times, however it is solely invested in serving Christ. Guarding my heart is tough (I am a girl, after all), but so important. 

Definitely something worth striving for.

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under His wings -- 52 in 52

He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

Psalm 91:4

We had a really big thunderstorm the other night, which woke me up around 1:30AM and kept me up for a couple hours. Poor Izzy was plastered to my side and shaking because she was scared.

But do you want to know what kept coming to mind as I tried to comfort Izzy?

The baby birds!!

I found these little guys a couple weeks ago in one of the hanging baskets on my porch.

And it's been super fun to watch them grow!!

Of course, they started out looking a bit like aliens.

With mouths open wide begging for food.

So during that big storm, all I could think about was the baby birds. Three tiny little birds that are hanging in a basket on my front porch.

I actually thought about going out to put them on my porch so they would be a little more covered from the rain.

But that would have required me to get out of my bed in the middle of the night. Which I was not excited about at all.

So I checked on them first thing in the morning...

And they were fine!!!

I like to think that their momma came and covered them with her wings to protect them from the storm.

Do you ever feel like you're in a nest of twigs, dangling in a basket in the midst of a violent storm?

Do you ever wonder how you'll ever live to see the sun shine again? 

When that happens, God covers you with His wings. Just like these baby birds were covered during the storm.

He is our shield and rampart.

**I started this post on Wednesday of last week, but I fell asleep before finishing it up. So this was the 52 in 52 for last week, not this week. :) And sorry the pictures are so miss matched - I kept forgetting with Instagram filter I used for the pictures.

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